A View from the Other Side

Observations from the winged dude next door.

Archive for the tag “family”

The Decision to Stay In My Lane

Talked to someone recently and discovered that there are some cosmic-level big things going on out there, even bigger than what I was personally aware of. And as much as I thought I could affect things, well, it’s “above my pay grade” as I told them. Compared to what they and their associates are doing, I’m a tiny speck. I would barely make any difference if or when shit went down.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I don’t want to be involved in giant cosmic battles. Like I said, I wouldn’t do much good anyway. My place is to do what I can for my family, those immediately around me, and to get positive and hopeful stuff to ripple out as far as I can, however I can. That’s it. Well, and to experience what it’s like to be human and all that. Not sure how much of my purpose is that last part, but it’s a good and frustrating side… benefit? Mission? Task? Whatever it is.

As much as I’d like to feel important, it was probably good to have that reminder to stay in my lane, and just do the job I was put here for. I do a decent job of it, so the path ahead for me is obvious and clear. Keep doing what I’ve been doing, for everybody’s sake.

Duty Calls

I apologize for not posting here more often. I know it’s been a while. But things aren’t okay here. My family’s struggling. I have to devote all my time and attention and strength on making things okay for them. Making life good for them, if I can. But right now it’s about survival. Sometimes down to one hour at a time, or less.

I’ll post more when I can. Hopefully soon. We’ll see.

A Good Day

Not a perfect day. There was still frustration, not everything worked out. But… a good day.

A book arrived that we’d been wanting to get for a while now, The Brotherhood of Angels and Men by Geoffrey Hodson, a reprint of the original written in 1927. Really looking forward to seeing what he said about all this nearly 90 years ago.

More possibilities for my extended family shaking out of various trees. Some of the past fruit wasn’t any good, but you never know until it comes and you do what you can with it. Just the possibilities are good things. Blessings in themselves.

Maybe most importantly I helped two people better understand the spirit guides with them. That was pretty big for me. In talking later with my brothers, I remembered times that weren’t so good. Where different people betrayed me, ridiculed me, and accused me of things I hadn’t done. There have been a lot. Some people have said to me, “All those people can’t be wrong, it’s obviously you.” Which rubbed salt in a lot of cuts back then.

What they didn’t understand is that I set people off sometimes. I’m a catalyst. Things happen just because I’m in the room. If someone is feeling uncomfortable, it’s magnified. I’m also a mirror. People see their stuff projected onto me and looking back at them, and think that I’m the liar, I’m the one accusing them of the same things they’re accusing me of. I try to be as gentle as I can, but some people can’t handle looking at themselves and their actions, and lash out at me.

But, over the past couple of days, I was able to help two separate people, and they said such kind things to me. They were grateful, and I had genuinely helped them understand new things about them and their guide. That’s what I’m here for. To help people. I never mean to hurt anyone. Sometimes I get frustrated, or sometimes a bit of tough love is what they need, and I understand that I come across too blunt or even harsh sometimes. But I don’t lie. I don’t deceive. I try to be as kind and understanding as I’m able, because that’s what helps people the most. Their kind words to me helped undo some of the damage of those old encounters from years ago that time had already blunted.

Kindness. Gratitude. Love. Helping people. Time with my family. A bit of successful work. It was a good day.

Thankful for the Pain

sword on anvil

I am thankful for what I have now, for a safe home, a loving family, a meaningful life, the little physical comforts I’m afforded.

I am also thankful for the hell I’ve been through. The pain and despair and loss have made me who I am now, in part. I would not be here right now, I don’t believe, if it were not for those things. I would not be as strong now, or as grateful for what I do have. I would not know how to protect others nearly as well, or how to be a leader, or what real loss really means. I would not know the utter depths of the dark night of the soul that make the light shine all the brighter.

I’ve been told that to become a true priest, or shaman, or holy person, you must go through a literal death and rebirth. I’ve been torn limb from limb and left to die in a dark pit of my own making But, somehow, I survived. I survived in that darkness for long years that felt like long forevers, every day opening my eyes to realize that I was one day farther away from that death, but never getting any closer to a real life.

Weeks, months, years. I was a dead man walking. The only reason I wasn’t in a grave is that I wouldn’t stop moving. Even if I felt nothing, I kept moving. Movement was forward, and maybe forward could lead to something that didn’t feel like being alive just for the purpose of atoning for my sins every moment of every day.

I found that the one thing I had left was a spark of hope in my heart. Then I learned that the spark wasn’t just my own hope, it was light. Somehow, a tiny bit of who I was had survived, like someone carries a tiny coal inside a container for miles and miles until they reach their next camp, then they blow on it and it springs to life.

That spark, that light of the Source… it was there all the time. It gave me hope. It kept me moving. I found my way out of the darkness by following that slender thread.

I have never once, for one minute of one day, not been grateful for what I have now. That includes the lessons of the darkness that enable me to be what others need. The strength, the skill, the creativity, the leadership, the flexibility… I had those things before, but the darkness pounded and forged me into a weapon for the light. An instrument of God. And that is what I’m thankful for.

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