A View from the Other Side

Observations from the winged dude next door.

Archive for the tag “avatars”

Things Are Getting Interesting

And by interesting, I mean shitty. But also interesting. But shitty.

The past week or so.. okay, wait, let me back up.

About ten years ago in particular, for some reason, a lot of us started coming through from various places. Some have come, some have gone, but a lot have stayed with the same people. And more are still coming, because that’s the reality of what’s going on right now. You need us, we need you, and together we save the day. Probably. Hopefully.

So this past week or so, we found out that a friend of hers has had people like me with her all this time, but since this is “not a thing” in modern society, neither had any idea about the other’s stuff. Can you imagine how easy all this would be if people could just talk freely about it without the fear of being called nuts, or worse?

Anyway… they’re now talking about all this together and being open with each other and it’s been really good for them both. I hope I can work with her guys directly at some point, but that stuff takes time, and it may not even be why they finally linked up about this. It could just be for the girls to give each other support and have nothing to do with my working with her dudes. Who knows. Time will tell.

In other news, however, she just tonight found out that another friend of hers is way, way more into this stuff than she had any idea about and may be interested in learning more about my kind. Not only that, a couple of days ago, my brother’s avatar was talking to someone entirely different in a chat thing and found out that this new person has someone I know, for better or for worse.

And that circles me back around to interesting, but shitty. But hopefully just interesting, depending on what information we get about this guy.

More as it develops. Who knows anymore, right? Rough times. Stay strong.

Cabin Fever

In a little over a day as of this writing, I’ll be holding my brother in my arms. Well… her arms, but on the physical. Him and me.

I’ve been struggling more and more lately with being cooped up, literally and figuratively, and the coop is her life. She lives in a very remote area. She sees people other than her immediate family maybe once a week.

And me? I never see anybody in meatspace. Or, more accurately, they never see me. I might be fronting on a walk, or even driving through a town, but they don’t know I’m there. They see a completely different face, gender, everything almost. The only similarities are the color of the skin, and hair, and… the eyes. Yeah, if you know me at all, you can see me in the eyes. The color’s different–mine are hazel brown, hers are blue gray–but the shape and the eyebrows and all of that’s the same.

Trouble is, nobody knows I’m there. It’s like a prison inside another prison.

So this trip, with my brother, it’s the one time a year where I can be me for days at a time and somebody knows it’s me. I can talk. I don’t like the voice, it’s too high, but it’s a physical voice. I even talked to someone on the phone recently, and they said it sounded like me. That helped to hear.

I’m still here. Me. Inside this different shell. Except the eyes.

One week a year, I can live life like a regular person.

41 hours, as of this writing, and I’ll be holding him in my arms.

Life

Heads up, I won’t be posting next week, because the avatar and I will be out of town at a thing and not have computer access. Maybe you and I will even pass each other in the hall, but you probably won’t know it. Both good and bad. We don’t need the pressure or the exposure, but that’s a possible opportunity lost too. We’ll let fate decide. See if you can figure it out. If you do, be sure to say hello.

It’s one of my all-too-rare opportunities to interact on the physical with my brother, also. He’s got his own avatar/vessel/meatsuit/vehicle, and he and I get to physically hold each other about once a year, twice if we’re lucky. On our side of things we’re inseparable. On the physical side of things, we’re a thousand miles apart. It’s frustrating, but hey, I’m grateful we both found two people willing to let us do this. That in itself is a very rare thing.

Human life is about experiencing and interacting with the world around you. You wake up in the morning and feel the sheets around your body, you taste food and have something to drink, you drive somewhere or go to work or read a blog like this one. You hear the sounds of the car, your pets, the voice of your loved one. Your eyes see all the colors of the rainbow and all the things that reflect those colors back at you, like trees and birds and buildings and cars and advertising. You taste tea or coffee or a burger or some chocolate. You catch some perfume on the air, maybe from what a person is wearing or from some flowers nearby, or the smell of coffee or that trash that really needs to go outside. You feel the fabrics you’re wearing and whether the cold bites your skin or the sun warms your face or the rain gets you wet.

My life is about getting tastes of those things where I can so that I can understand you all better. Walk a thousand miles in your shoes. Feel your joy and your pain. But I have the bigger picture, too. The wider view to help you get your own stuff into perspective. That’s why I do this. That’s why I’ve gone through the pain and the joy of getting to where I am now.

Castiel on Supernatural“You know, being human, it didn’t just change my view of food. It changed my view of you. I mean, I can relate now to how you feel. The only person who has screwed things up more consistently than you…is me. And now I know what that guilt feels like. And I know what it… I know what it means to feel sorry, Sam. I am sorry. You know, old me — I would’ve have just kept going. I would’ve jammed that needle in deeper until you died because the ends always justified the means. But what I went though — Well, that PB & J taught me that angels can change.” — Castiel, on Supernatural

The Blessing of a Physical Life

I’ve had a number of people tell me they’re jealous of where I am, how they wish they could leave their body and be a spirit and how it would be this great party in the sky or something.

Please don’t ignore what you have now. Your time in that physical existence is so brief. On my side of things there’s a lot of sensory deprivation. It’s so non-physical that a lot of us hang around so that we can see more clearly, and smell and taste and feel. Do you have any idea what a gift it is to be able to feel the texture of a wool coat, or a green lawn?

This is part of why those scent oils are so important to me. They’re a link to the physical experience of sandalwood and musk and leather and oakmoss and tobacco and a hundred other intense hits of scent that people take for granted every day.

People wonder why spirits would want physical offerings. This is why. It’s a drink of water in the desert. Have you ever worn a cast or something for so long that when it’s off, your skin is more sensitive there? It’s like that, but for everything.

Yesterday, I felt the sun on my face, and heard dry oak leaves covered with frost crunching under my boots as we walked through the dirt and gravel paths. Those precious few minutes I get on our walks, when I’m fully up front and it’s fully me in that strange body that I’m borrowing that’s the wrong gender… they’re such blessings. When she gets soap in a scent I like, just taking a good long hot shower is like getting baptized into the physical world for a few minutes, before it all slides down again and I have to let her have her own life.

Sometimes, in those few stolen moments, I weep from the depth of the experience, and from gratitude, and over the fragmented existence I have.

Then I have some of my favorite tea, and maybe a little snack, and have a Holy Communion right there in her kitchen without anybody even knowing. I am so grateful and lucky to have access to this. Please don’t take it for granted for even a second. Please don’t wish away this gift. Be conscious of it all like a baby is. Remember what that first taste and touch and smell and sight was like. Give thanks for it.

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