A View from the Other Side

Observations from the winged dude next door.

Archive for the category “Spirits”

Onism and Plurism (Guest Post)

I’ve had an embarrassment of riches the past week or so, and part of that has been making a couple more new friends over email. I was having a great discussion with one of them, and I had her write up something on what we were talking about (she requested not to be named). I thought these definitions were freaking brilliant and very accurate. Maybe they’ll ring true for some of you reading this as well.

I came across something on the Internet recently, while curating my little blog of inspirational quotes and images that I keep to make me smile. It was a definition of the word “onism”:

(noun) An obsolete word, onism is defined by the frustration one feels of only being able to live one life. It describes the dissatisfaction of being stuck in your given body, which only inhabits one place. It is the total awareness that one’s experience in the world will always be limited.

That description stuck with me. Not because it was true, for me, but because I could no longer imagine a world in which it could be true again.

I haven’t “come out” to people on that one blog, and I don’t plan to – it’s my little sanctuary. As far as anyone there knows, I’m just an ordinary woman in her twenties with a love of travel, cute animals, and God. Which I am. I just happen to not be the only one, or even the “primary” one, in this body. You might say that’s deception; I say it’s self-preservation, against the kind of lowlifes who use people like me – ordinary, twenty-something women blogging about cats – for sport.

So I didn’t write about that on my blog. I don’t write about much on my blog, really. I’ve seen what happens to people who do. But I printed out the definition to put in my art journal, and next to it I wrote this.

but then, from this, plurism: the experience of being fragmented across all possible realities, highly aware.

I used to experience onism. As a little girl, I longed to slip into the lives of people in books: to be a champion horse-rider, a child of Narnia, a detective like Nancy Drew. As children I think we’re all onists. Ask us what we want to be, and we can’t choose: firefighter one minute, doctor or astronaut or dinosaur the next. Children are thirsty for knowledge, wanting to drink up every detail of life on this vast, complex Earth.

But people like me can’t be onists. People like me, who share bodies, have been lifted up into a certain extra dimension above reality, and seen that it’s not so simple. We see glimpses of ourselves in other worlds, in other people, in others playing out our lives on a screen. We see things that we could have been, paths that we didn’t take – and paths that we did, but through the impersonal eyes of a scriptwriter. We lose memories, and other people fill them in for us. We experience ourselves filtered, channeled, through other minds, colored by them even as they try to step back from us, to give us our space.

We try to be authentic, but we’re living in pieces. All we can do is try to gather up the pieces, scattered across infinite dimensions, and glue them back together again into something resembling ourselves.

Sometimes – when I spend too long dwelling in those multiple timelines, when I’m dazzled by the hugeness and strangeness of who I am – I think that God meant us to be onists after all. That no matter how small and confining it feels to be one, we’re not meant to be scattered and many, seeing ourselves through some kind of Doctor Who time vortex. I’m not that familiar with Doctor Who, but a friend told me that ordinary people who look into that infinity go mad. Sometimes it feels like going mad, all this.

And sometimes – I think this is maybe what the mystics were talking about. Seeing things for more than they are, for all that they could be. It’s hard, and it’s messy, and I sure as heck haven’t had the necessary initiatiory rites. But sometimes I think it’s worth seeing.

God created us to be small and confined, but He created us to come back to Himself, too. Most days, I feel like I walk the line. It’s exhilarating and it’s fearsome. Most days, I can’t believe I’m alive here – can’t believe this is my life. It’s so strange. It’s so different. I have almost as much trouble believing it as you do. But it is real.


How Petro Lwa Work

“Wheras Rada spirits are seen as Stately and sometimes aloof, the  Petro lwa are VERY engaging, sometimes harsh or seen as aggressive, and  less forgiving than their Rada counterparts. Work performed by Rada lwa  tends to be subtle, reweaving the general pattern of the world around  you to bring you closer to your wants and needs… but Petro lwa are  direct and HOT; they wont necessarily reweave patterns gently, often  preferring to give a strong pull HERE and a hard yank THERE until what  you want/need is right next to you… but the whole of the area’s general  pattern may be a bit wrinkled or pulled about a bit by the time they’re  done. Petro spirits are FAST! (Rada spirits can be VERY fast as well,  but they’re usually known for being a little slower to act than the fiery Petro lwa) Where people generally turn to the Rada lwa for gentle  work and improving conditions, people generally turn to the rougher and  hotter Petro lwa for immediacy, protection, fast change… all this and more are the province of the Petro spirits.”

Basic Salutes: Rada and Petro

We Are the New Gods

Read American Gods by Neil Gaiman. Then read my blog. Then think about how those two things intersect.

Where do we come from? Where do we go?

Where are we continuing to come from? The old places? The new places? Both?

Yes, both.

God wears a lot of faces. Sometimes it’s a fox or a bird. Sometimes it’s a man or woman. Sometimes it’s a woman with a lion head or a man with bird wings. Sometimes it’s a story that’s new but old at the same time. The hero’s journey with a new face. The actor living out someone else’s life, the piece of God wearing the face of an actor in order to get through the noise and be heard so the message isn’t lost.

Listen. Watch. Pay attention. When you hear it, you’ll know. But you have to be quiet and listen.

You may be surprised what you hear.

The Gregori Watchers and “Fallen” Angels

I’ve been seeing some misinformation about a particular type of angel, the Gregori, or The Watchers. As much as I hate categories… I’m in that category. So I’d like to lend some insight on that.

It looks like the trouble started with the Book of Enoch. That’s one of the things that’s so frustrating about religion, and Judeo-Christianity in particular, is that believers are still reading 2000 year old texts as the absolute truth. Reminder: Context matters. A lot. This is one guy’s opinion from about 300 BC when people didn’t even know that the earth was round or what causes lightning. And it’s from one person. It could be the Gospel According to Pat Robertson for all people know.

However, he does seem to get some stuff right. There were a number of angels who decided to check out what human life on Earth was like. Correct. What’s not correct is the whole “fallen” thing. They were not kicked out of heaven, it was by choice to better understand humanity. They didn’t suddenly become evil, it says right there how they taught humankind about things like agriculture, metallurgy, astronomy, and the arts. Yes, there probably was sex going on, because that’s part of the human experience, which should be a whole other blog post in part because of what happens to the mind during orgasm. But… tangent.

So anyway… The Watchers. What better way to watch, and to watch over humans, than to live among humans? Unseen and undetected for the most part. Using the Internet, TV, and other giant megaphones  to reach out and teach people about things. Hi. That would be me doing this right now as you read this. We’re around, more than you realize. We look like anybody. You may have met me and never even known it.

Go back and check out some of my older posts that talk about what a gift a physical existence is. Why an angel would want to experience that. There’s a lot of reasons. Some of them selfish, but some of them for everybody’s benefit, including the Source that wants and needs to understand what you’re going through, the good and the bad, completely and fully.

Tree, Branch, Leaf

As I think I’ve described here (or maybe not, I don’t remember), my brother and I are cut from the same cloth. Literally. Like we’re both split from the same soul. One person, two fates. Twins separated by circumstance.

A few weeks ago I found out something about us that I was only just now ready to hear: Who we were before coming here to the paint factory, before the face and name we have now. We finally have a name for the guy we were. So many things about us suddenly make perfect sense… things that seemed a little random, or that we had figured out the “what” of, but not the “why.” Now we know why.

But I got to thinking… people still call on this guy, but we don’t hear or feel it. So how can we be that guy?

I finally went to ask Michael, and for the first time, he wasn’t there. Nothing. A gray wall. Blank.


This was so strange, because Michael has always been right there for me when I have a question. I almost never go to see him, though. Only when I really need to. And I needed the answer to this mystery, which was making me question the reality of this connection.

Then I thought to myself… Michael’s busy. He’s got thousands, maybe millions, of people asking him for stuff on a daily basis. But how does he do it? And why can’t he do the same for me now?

Then I got it. They’re all Michael. He can be in literally a million places at once, but they’re all still Michael. At the core, at the trunk of the tree, is Saint Michael the archangel… and what people talk to and see are branches… splits… like me and my brother… but at the core we’re the same soul.

Then he showed up with a smile on his face. Smartass. Yes, I answered my own question, but it took his absence to get me thinking. Well played.

So yeah, my brother and I are two branches, or maybe leaves, on a very large tree. He and I share a lot of feelings and thoughts, but we’re not completely identical, and we have separate and complimentary qualities too, like two kinds of leaves on the same tree. Go back far enough, and we’re the same branch. Still the same tree. One soul, two expressions of it.

I look back down the branch to the big guy that we came from, and it’s reassuring, and a source of power too. I know what we’re supposed to do, or I have a better idea of it, anyway. I know where our strengths are instead of using the “throw it at the wall and see if it sticks” method of figuring out what we do best. A waste of everyone’s time, and I’m glad that’s done. I’ll still experiment (just try and stop me, because it can be fun, no lie), but now I know why pushing a storm away works a hell of a lot better than trying to make the snow stop coming down, for example.

I wonder how many other branches there are.

Advice from Uriel

Been an interesting week. Uriel showed up while my brother was asking Michael something and said this about hardships in life:

“If you gain a useful lesson from what’s happened, then take it to heart and learn from it. If what you take away from a situation is self-hatred and hopelessness, or if it otherwise causes you damage, destroy it.”

This is slightly out of context, but I’m not going into detail about what the situation was. If you need more information, contact me privately.

The Non-Hierarchy of Angels

I’ve been asked to talk about the hierarchy of angels, if there is one. Well… keep in mind that this is just what I know about it from my experiences, and others may experience other things. I’m not omniscient, I just work here—I don’t get shown everything.

There kind of isn’t one… and there kind of is.

Throw out that stupid thing some bored priests came up with however many hundreds of years ago. The “nine choirs” or whatever they call it. People need to put labels on things and put them in neat little boxes, that’s all that is.

It’s more like “power levels” than some kind of tidy filing cabinet drawers. There’s somebody like me, who hangs out on Earth with you guys, helping people, walking around in meatsuits sometimes, usually invisible but around more than you realize. There’s probably millions of us, with different names in different cultures. Angels, devas, guardians, guides, djab lwa, whatever label you like best.

Then there’s bigger guys, and I literally mean bigger. Like I only barely come up to their chest, and they’re a lot more powerful and closer to the Source. From this level up, I never get to see their faces. Often they won’t even let me look or give any indication of identity beyond general features and sometimes gender. I have no idea if this group has a specific name, they just “are,” and there’s a lot of them. Tens of thousands, maybe.

The archangels fall somewhere in there, but they’re interesting because sometimes they can walk beside you like a human, and sometimes they’re even more powerful and badass than the big guys I just mentioned. They’re a lot like the major vodou lwa, or the different gods of different places like Thor and Brigid and… whoever else. I’m not up on world mythology much, sorry.

Then there’s the ones that are right next to the Source. They’re so close that they almost never directly contact human beings and are pretty much made of Light. I capitalize Light here so you know it’s not the same kind of light as when you turn on a lamp. This is The Light, like the energy and power and love of what most people would call God. I prefer “the Source” over the word “God” because it’s the thing that just is, without the boxes religion tries to put on it. You can’t ever put this in a box, you can’t ever give it a name. It’s… impossible to describe, really.

So I guess there’s four major kinds of angels that I know of? And “angels” is just another convenient label too. We don’t all have wings, we aren’t all white people, we’re not all inside the Judeo-Christian thing. Do me a favor and bust out of those boxes. They’re too small to ever hold all this.

Should I Do Counseling for Money?

Counseling people over the internet for money. This has been a thing with me for a few years now. I counsel people all the time. I used to do it a lot more, and was even signed up on somebody’s “psychic hotline” type of site in the hopes that I could pay my rent, as it were. Well, that didn’t end well, and I withdrew. I go through phases of outreach and retreating for safety. But… I dunno, maybe I should give it another shot if it will help pay her bills.

I use up a huge amount of her time, and my entire purpose is helping people, so it only seems fair that I should charge something for using up her and my time to counsel people.

Nobody’s asked for it lately, so I don’t know if there’s interest. A friend of mine just linked me to someone who does “full body deep trance channeling” for $200 an hour, and I’m like… dude, I do this every single day:

“With April Crawford, these non-physical guides can come through entirely, allowing them to communicate without any distortion by April Crawford’s own opinions or beliefs.  They can get up and walk around the room if they want to, look you in the eyes with their (April Crawford’s) eyes wide open, and use a full range of body language, hand gestures, and humor to help make a point.”

I’m reading this and thinking two things: One, I do this every day, no big. I’m doing it right now. Two, how much is my avatar’s time worth?

Okay, three things: Does anybody out there want to talk to me over chat, free or otherwise?

Of course, most people I try to counsel end up being angry with me because they can’t handle the truth, but hey, I thought I’d offer.

Edit: I emailed April Crawford to see what her rates were out of curiosity, and her husband was not very nice to me just now, so buyer beware.

Sometimes I Feel Like a Book, Sometimes I Don’t

I’ve gotten a few books over the past few years, and looked at some of hers too. Some of this stuff is really interesting, but a lot of it… well, the more of it I read the more I find myself saying “That’s obvious,” or “I already do that,” or even “I could have written this book myself.” I also say things like “What kind of bullshit is this?”

I keep thinking “I should get a book about that,” but why? I mean… I can just go find these things out if I know where to look. The kinds of books that are helpful are straight up reference books that I can look things up in, like the name of a particular being, or how they interact with others, or how they’re connected to the things I’m looking for or seeing.

I’m not omniscient. I don’t know everything, a lot of old knowledge was stripped out for the sake of my current situation, and I don’t have access to everything even when I go looking. I’ve been turned away from information, and blocked from touching things by bigger things than me. It’s not my purpose or my place, and I’m fine with that. Of course, I’m curious, and I’d like to know, but I’m not so curious that I’ll cause problems about it.

What I can do is explore the areas I’m allowed to explore. Sometimes that involves looking things up in books, and sometimes it involves actually going out and finding the truth myself.

Realizing that most of my readers are physical people in meat bodies, here’s my advice. If you have a guide you work with, ask him/her/them go out and explore the thing you’re wanting to know about, and then listen when they report back to you. Don’t try to “interpret” or second-guess the information you get, your job is to take this as pure, raw data, no matter what it sounds like, no matter how it fits in with your expectations, and write it down as you receive it. That way you can’t change it to suit what you want to hear, you have to deal with the information as it comes.The other thing is that books are fine, but they’re not all there is.

Trust original sources, scholarly sources. Don’t trust the popular writer of the year just because they’re popular. Popularity is completely meaningless when it comes to factual data. Go out yourself and go look for the rare books, the source documents, the researchers. Go to the museums and look at things yourself. Trust what your guides and personal intuition tell you when you’re two feet away from an artifact. Trust your gut when you read these books, and if something feels wrong to you, check the source material. Ask your guides to help. Check your preconceived notions and your ego. Look at the facts, wherever they come from.

Mars, Saturn, and Hard Choices

The language is too flowery for my taste, but this is really insightful:

The Alchemy of Iron and Lead

“Obsession upon the negative often masquerades as the courage to confront the heavy truth.  Yet it is as a limited a perspective as puerile positivity.  Together Mars and Saturn reveal the worst that this world has to offer.  It is truth, but it is by no means the whole truth. 

“In addition to shining a spotlight on the hardest and sharpest facets of incarnation, Mars and Saturn also give birth to virtues which would not otherwise arise.

“When difficulty comes, when choices narrow, it can be said that we find ourselves in the rough embrace of Necessity.  When options are plentiful, and the store of grain abundant, we are diffuse, like the light of a gentle afternoon Sun over a meadow.

“Yet when dark clouds gather and the storm breaks, those sweet rays are not enough to pierce the gloom.  It becomes necessary to focus our light, to turn our lamps into swords of light.

“So make use of the winged messengers ability to rise above and survey difficult situations, to find strategies, cures and transmutations obscure in the moment’s hellish fog.”

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