We Gotta Get Out of This Place
“We gotta get out of this place… if it’s the last thing we ever do…”
I’m going stir crazy here. There’s not enough people around, there’s just…. wilderness. It’s driving me up the wall. I find myself pacing like an animal, looking for some way to affect people more, better… I’m restless and anxious and the loneliness is mounting.
Work helps, exercise helps, meditation helps, but by the end of the day, I’m pacing again. Working with one person in nearly total isolation is not what I was put here to do. This can’t continue.
There’s a few I see online. I’m actually meeting up with somebody in meatspace in a couple of days. Other than my usual February visit with about five people who know I exist in the world, this will be the first time I’ve ever done something like this in years. Probably about ten years. I barely know this guy, but he seems a lot like me in some ways, so I think it’ll be good. No matter what, at least I get to exist as a person in front of somebody else for a change instead of being this invisible persona non grata like usual.
I mean, hell, that’s half the reason I keep this blog going, so that I feel like I matter to more than about five people. To teach people things about what I know and experience, sure, but also to reach out, even if the conversation is mostly one sided. Even if I’m talking to myself. At least I feel like I have a voice. That I’m affecting the world, even if it’s small right now.
The work continues. The hammer hits the wall. The shovel hits the dirt. We will get out of this place. I can’t even imagine what we’ll be able to accomplish together once we’re free.